Friday, May 15, 2009

Friday Funnies

Real quick up front - people like Kelly who tend to stop reading when they realize this is a Navy-related post really should get to the bottom of this post and watch the video. You're gonna laugh.

For those of you who have been around the fleet a while, you've probably read the Summary of Mishaps that comes out on Fridays. The Summary of Mishaps has been written for years in a tongue-in-cheek manner of sharing some lessons learned the hard way by guys doing stupid stuff both on the job and off on liberty. In case you've never read the Summary of Mishaps before, here's a quick sample of what you would find:

B. The second Not-O.K. Corral starred a machinery repairman first class who was on leave and decided to go shooting at a local Air Force base. “While driving to the base,” the report said, noting that he was “licensed to carry a concealed weapon,” he removed his .45 caliber pistol from the glove compartment. His goal was to “make sure it was not loaded,” an action that reveals in crystal-clear detail the mind-boggling limitations of the aforementioned “license.”

With the pistol’s magazine removed, he pulled back the slide to make sure there were no rounds in the chamber. He released the slide and pulled the trigger. Presto! There were no longer any rounds in the chamber, because the cartridge from the one that was there was now passing through his left thigh.

This spectacular display of weapons-handling knowledge was most impressive to his mother, who was along for the ride and who got to apply pressure to the wound and call 9-1-1. A trip to the nearest E.R. took the place of the planned visit to the shooting range. He was treated and released.

Must we trudge through the basic rules of gun handling for the umpteenth time? The old “Never point a firearm at anything you don’t want to shoot” and the “Always treat every firearm as if it was loaded,” et cetera? So be it. Making sure a weapon is unloaded doesn’t mean “jacking the slide back while waiting for a light to change in traffic,” the report added.

There’s nothing quite like calling a body shop and asking for an estimate on repairing bullet holes, and then calling the detailing place to find out how much they charge to remove blood stains.

Note: I now have a new entry at the top of my list of things that I’d prefer other drivers not do, just ahead of “text messaging.”

Want another example? Read "Why Roto-Rooter Isn't Called Hydro-Blaster or Compresso-Exploder." Men reading this story will cringe and wince as if they had experienced it themselves.

ANYWAY, although the official name of this weekly message is still the Summary of Mishaps, they have adopted another name, "The Friday Funnies."

Through the course of my career, on each boat I've been on, I have enjoyed reading the Summary of Mishaps on Friday. Each time I have gone off to shore duty though, I have gone places where I no longer got the regular Navy message traffic.

In the course of looking for something else today, I was on the Naval Safety Center website, and I discovered NOT ONLY can I read the Summary of Mishaps there on their website, BUT ALSO they have Friday funnies podcasts and vodcasts you can download (they're at the bottom of the home page).

Just to see if they were worth downloading, I listened to one and watched one.


Watch this. (Especially if you have small children.)

Oh, WARNING - don't have anything to drink while you're watching this. It'll come spewing out your nose and all over your computer screen.


Loping Squid said...

Man, I'd forgotten about the Friday Funnies!

Dani said...

LOL - that's one of my favorite messages to reads ... this week definitely had some classics. Glad you found it while on shore duty.

Jud said...

If I didn't know better, I'd swear the kids with the paint look a little like ES and YB....