Friday, April 11, 2008

Observations on Pee and Poop

Yes, I am a father, so naturally, I have an observation or two to share about the bodily functions of small children.

Okay, so HOW LONG is it going to take for my boys to learn to WATCH where they're AIMING when they PEE??? I know it frustrates LW to no end to find pee all over around the general vicinity of the toilet that somehow "missed" and she ends up being the one to clean it all up.

One time, we were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner and YB got up to go to the bathroom. He didn't bother shutting the door behind him. From where I was sitting at the kitchen table, I could see into the bathroom and see his little bare bum while he was doing his business.

Then ES said something at the table that got YB's attention. I watched in horror as YB turned his head around toward us and said, "What?" to ES. Meanwhile, his torso and waist followed him around as if his body wanted to naturally untwist itself and follow where the head was pointed, and so I watched as the solid stream of pee continued to swing around in an arc away from the toilet and across the bathroom floor. Realizing the pee would continue to follow whatever he was looking at, I said, "LOOK AT THE TOILET! LOOK AT THE TOILET! LOOK AT THE TOILET!" Startled and wondering what horrible sea monster was coming up out of the toilet to make me say such a thing, he swung his head back around to see what was so important in the toilet. Sure enough, as he turned his head, his torso and waist followed his head back around and the stream of pee went back into the toilet again.

We had a similar incident tonight before the boys got in the bathtub. It was YB not watching where he was aiming again because ES had distracted him again. Not that ES is all that innocent, mind you. I've seen him do the same thing more than once, and I keep telling both of them WATCH WHERE YOU AIM.

Maybe we should make them wear blinders when they go pee so it'll keep them focused on the task at hand.

Then there's #2...

Thank goodness ES graduated to wiping his own butt a while ago. YB hasn't reached that milestone yet. Recently we went to the foreign residence of tasty flatbreads for dinner with our neighbors across the street. Of course, right as the food is coming, YB says, "I have to go poop!" So off to the men's room we go.

As I was standing there in the stall waiting for YB to finish his business, something occurred to me. As much as I won't miss wiping his butt, and as disgusting as it sounds, I'm actually going to miss hearing YB's play-by-play commentary when he poops. It's just so funny to hear him describe the number, length, shape, width, color, size, density, stench, mass, texture, aroma, and specific gravity of his poop and what it looks similar to (sort of like trying to pick out clouds in the sky that look like familiar objects). Quick rewind for background: YB had a speech impediment and went to a speech therapist up until we left VA to come here to Hawaii. So back to the story at hand, the humor of his poop description is further enhanced by his innocent little voice and mispronunciation of words.

Oh, another thing I won't miss is coming back to the table after everyone else has already finished their dinner and mine has been sitting there getting cold the whole time we've been in the men's room. Ahhh, the joys of parenthood. :-)


Sagey said...

Just to clarify, YB did not, nor does he have a speach impediment. He HAD a speach delay. At 26 months he had the cognitive skills of a 3.5+ year old and the speach level of less than an 18 month old so TriCare deemed him worthy of services!

His cute mispronounciations at this point are normal 4 year old stuff. He is always asking us for "Nack"s... SNACK and to be pushed on the "Fwing"...Swing. I keep in touch with his therapist from VA and she says this is all normal and I believe her because I hear kids older than him do the same thing.

Oh and DH, why don't you clean up around the toilet once in awhile? Is there a puddle upstairs in the bathroom for me to clean from tonight? ;-) Your MIL is arriving in 4 days you know. :-)

amy said...

hear, hear, blunoz! i was laughing about the play-by-play o' poop. i don't think that fades with age. that just makes me so look forward to potty-training carter. so i'm going to start looking for blinders, and maybe some urinals on each wall...

JoLee said...

hummm... I can remember when someone received some submarines & ships that you put in the toilet and were to use as a target.....